I am stealing time from work to write this.
It never seems like stealing time from work to check my Gmail, reserve a library book, pay bills online, or IM with my pals while at work. It just seems like a pleasant break from the grind, something that will make me more efficient because I’ll stop worrying about whether we paid the cell phone bill last month.
But because I am sitting on my couch and the baby is ASLEEP, this is prime working time for me, and it’s very guilt-inducing that I am not writing an email right now.
This is how working from home goes, for me:
5-ish am, wake up and frantically put in contacts, pee, and change out of pyjamas as I keep an eye on the baby I left alone in the bed with all sorts of pillows that are just waiting for me to turn my back so that they can suffocate my child. But we’re supposed to elevate her because of the reflux, so you tell me what I’m supposed to use to do that. All we have is potentially murderous pillows, so I maintain constant frantic vigilance. Keyword for the day is: frantic.
5:30 am. nurse Amelia back to sleep, put her in the buzzy chair with a blanket over her. Worry that I overheat my child on a regular basis, also a SIDS no-no. Put her in the pink buzzy chair, which lets her lie straighter and not crunched up into a C like the blue buzzy chair does, but turn on the “womb” sounds of the blue buzzy chair because Tom just discovered that she’ll sleep to that for a long time.
5:35 am, make oatmeal with froz. blueberries, flax meal and brown sugar (no dairy, bah) and eat it as fast as possible. Take vitamin & probiotic (so I can digest possible allergens better) with water.
5:45 am, pull end table in front of couch and set up work laptop on it. Set up baby supplies on & around couch: boppy pillow, blanket to tuck under one end of boppy pillow (to incline her as we nurse), 2nd blanket to lay over baby in case she gets cold (and because she sleeps better when warm), spit-up rag, remote control, glass of water, rattle.
6:00 am, start replying to work emails ridiculously early in the day to prove to my bosses that I do indeed work from home and I get up early to do it besides. Keep eye on kid as I do so – the pink buzzy chair turns off its buzz after 5 minutes and sometimes that wakes her up. Womb sounds also turn themselves off, not sure if on same timing.
7-ish am, change/snuggle/nurse awake baby as I type work emails with one hand and check my gmail. Read multiple Yahoo mommy group digest emails and dread the day I have to deal with colds, separation anxiety, crawling/walking, etc.
7:30 am, carefully slide sleepy baby onto couch, still propped up on boppy pillow, with blanket over her, and start typing with both hands (heaven!)
8:00-10:00 am, juggle emails and baby. Don’t answer cell phone while baby is awake because having a crying baby in the background is slightly unprofessional. Use Skype with headphones to make calls out ONLY while baby is nursing or COMPLETELY asleep. Roll shoulders back when possible because 2-handed typing over your nursing baby will make your shoulders hurt.
10:30 am, eat a little something if baby will let me
11:00 am, continue to juggle laptop and baby. Try to calculate how many hours actually worked that morning to see if working after noon (only 5 hours of work from home is needed per day, as I work 10 hour days at work 3 times a week). Look forward to being able to shut the laptop and just attend to baby. Start strategizing for this afternoon’s outing (probably doctor’s visit or diaper pickup/dropoff in town).
12:00 pm, decide that even if 5 hours of work were not accomplished, there is no more energy for any more work. Chill with the kid while watching some DVRed Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares or The Daily Show. Think that you might get an hour or so of work done this afternoon. (This never happens.)
That is on days that I do NOT have a deadline. Twice this month I have had a proposal due on a day I work from home, and that’s infinitely more tense. I will say that I am much more able to work efficiently since I got work to buy me an iPhone so I can email while in the pediatrician’s waiting room – it’s much easier to type one-handed on that little screen, too!
Many days I don’t know if it’s really better for Amelia to have me caring for her with half (or less) of my attention, or if a stranger who was actually able to attend to her full time would do a better job. I don’t think we can afford a nanny, honestly, and I don’t know a better way to do any of this right now. She’s what Dr. Sears calls a “high-needs baby,” who hates being put down unless she’s asleep – and frequently will not even let you sit down while holding her if she’s awake. Hoping the magical age of 4 months (only a month away!) will ease some of this needyness, but what if it doesn’t?
you work is incredibly lucky to have you! you are obviously diligent and I know from experience – talented.
i sooooooooooooooooo don’t miss the days of working and taking care of baby – we did it from 7 weeks to 4 months. and it was the most difficult and nearly impossible period i’ve ever experienced – and that was marc and me doing it together!
have you thought of trying to find a nanny-share? perhaps you can find another mom who is in need of a part time nanny as well – if you two could get on the same schedule the nanny could watch both kids just on those days. nannies should cost around $10-15/hr and you and the other mom would split that cost.
I’m stealing time from work to read this so I figure it’s all even. And just because that doesn’t make any sense, doesn’t mean that it’s not true!
It sounds like you’re working really hard. You can’t do more than you can do. I’m sure your work standards will stand the test of time.
I’m just full of wisdom today–sort of.
Love you!